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The Coolest Army I’ll Never Get to Build

For many of us, list writing is as much an addiction as anything. Part math, part aesthetics, part shenanigans in some cases pure wizardry, there’s a lot of heart and soul in these little scraps of paper. Their influence over our bank account balances is perhaps the most worrying part, however…

… Which leads us to today’s topic.

I’m sure we all have a bunch of army lists stashed away somewhere. Pretty much every binder, notebook or My Documents folder I’ve ever touched is infested with them. There’s even a few homebrew army books if you know where to look (come on GW, just put me out of my misery and release a Dogs of War book sometime this century!).

Mathhammer - Because gaming wasn't nerdy enough before the Excel.

Mathhammer – Because tabletop gaming wasn’t nerdy enough before all the Excel graphs.

Many army lists are pretty uninspired, little more than slight tweaks on what you’ve been using for years. “What if I switch a few squads from plasma to melta so I can afford to squeeze in an extra Drop Pod?” That sort of thing.

Some of them are just over the top stupidity, the byproduct of too much caffeine and too many inside jokes/pop culture references. My 4th edition Drop Troops/Hardened Veterans IG list, full of Firefly references and a Boba Fett inspired color scheme, fall under this category. I only managed to paint up about 10 of the 100+ Kasrkin plus a Hellhound (save for the tracks, which never left the sprue for some reason) before giving up entirely.

My most recent creation is something that breaks my heart. It’s one of those lists that has a lot of character, tons of modeling opportunities and a sprinkling of parmesan to make you giggle while rolling buckets of dice. What list, you ask? Pre-Heresy themed Emperor’s Children, using the new Dark Angels codex of course!

200 – Sammael

505 – Command Squad w/ Banner of Devastation + Techmarine w/ Power Field Generator, all inside a Land Raider Crusader w/ Multi-melta

350 – 2×10 naked Tactical Marines w/ Rhinos

362 – 2×6 Ravenwing Bikers w/ dual Meltas

215 – 5x Black Knights (converted Scimitar pattern Jetbikes) w/ one Grenade Launcher and Melta Bombs on the squad leader

215 – Contemptor Mortis w/ twin Kheres Assault Cannons and Cyclone Missile Launcher

Total – 1847

OK I’ll admit it, a similar list concept has been posted elsewhere, but I had the idea first dammit! I have a time-stamped Facebook post and everything to back me up 🙂


DPA’s glorious Emperor’s Children army. Check his Warseer painting log for more Horus Heresy goodness!

Can’t you just imagine it though? A beautiful armored group, clustered together for 4++ saves and withering volleys of Salvo 2/4 bolter shananigans. Bikes moving up and taking point, in lovely little groups of 6 to appease their future patron. Kheres Assault Cannons blasting foolish planes out of the sky…

And there’s some great little character pieces you can add as well. For the Sammael clone, give him a Perseus theme!

This actually works out great for the Emperor’s Children, and a jetbiker especially. Perseus had an adamantine sword, a helm of invisibility and ended up slaying the Medusa. Sammael has a master-crafted Heavenfall sword, the Night Halo and an Adamantine Mantle. Fulgrim, Primarch of the EC’s, famously cut the head off of Ferrus Manus, aka the Gorgon. The Pegasus mount wasn’t in the original Greek but it became part of his imagery later on, so the jetbike more or less fits as well. Not too bad at all!

As an added bonus, Perseus was the son of Danae, who got knocked up by Zeus in the form of a golden shower. No joke. How much more Slaaneshi can you get?

As a final note on the Perseus thing — his wife was Andromeda. The Andromeda Galaxy is also known as M31. The Horus Heresy is set in M31. All the pieces just keep falling into place…

The Techmarine gives you an opportunity to make a young Fabius Bile, before he went all creepy with the coat of faces and whatnot. Doing up a MkIV apothecary with the servo arm array on his back and some arcane gizmo for the field generator would be awesome. Fabius always was more interested in rare tech than doing his job as a battlefield medic.

The sad reality of course, is that doing this army would cost a goddamn fortune. Ravenwing Bikers plus at least one Ravenwing Command Squad box, plus Forgeworld MkIV Legionnaires, EC shoulder pads, Deimos Rhinos, a MK2b Land Raider kit plus bitz to convert to Crusader, half dozen Scimitar pattern bikes, a Contemptor… So. Many. Dollars. And the final nail in the coffin, I already have one Crusade era legion on the go (or three depending how technical you want to get with allies).

Do you have a similar army that captured your heart but failed to convince the Guardian of the Credit Card? Feel free to comment below or on the Facebook page!

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